Unintentional Wrath of the Fangirls
by shiroamaya
Summary: What happens when fangirls get a plushie of their favorite characters? Some weird shit, my friend. Find out what happens to poor Edward in this very interesting story. Slight Crackfic.
1. The Arrival!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: Hello! This is Shiro and Amaya with our first collaborative fanfic. I, Shiro, have done a few fanfics of my own as a separate author... But now we haz an account togethers. So Yayzzzzzzz!

Amaya: I myself have never written a fanfic in particular, but I have written other types of things in the past. Right now I am working on my own original book (that I still do not have a title for. RAWR!), but I am having so much fun writing this fic right now that it's not even funny.

Shiro: Yes it is. But please take it easy on us.

Amaya: Stay tuned bitches!

Shiro: =^-^=

Both: P.S. We don't own FMA. We may be awesome, but we're not that awesome...

~~~~~~~~~~Amaya's POV~~~~~~~~~~

*knock knock*

Amaya heard the knock at the door. (a/n Amaya: Like, no shit.) A smile spread across her face as she jumped out of her seat. She knew what was awaiting her outside, and thought, _finally it's here_. Quickly, she ran to the door and almost tripped over her own two feet. She opened the door and looked down to find a small (a/n Amaya: hehe, small) box. Amaya let out a little squee and picked up the box. Once she took it back inside, she grabbed a knife from the kitchen drawer and sliced open the tape. When the box was at last fully open, she gave a Cheshire Cat grin at what she saw. Immediately, she rushed back to her room and grabbed her phone. _I have to call Shiro and tell her!_ She thought excitedly.

~~~~~~~~~~Shiro's POV~~~~~~~~~~

_Bored. Boredom. Bored as fuck. Bored to death._ Shiro stared at the ceiling contemplating the ways to say she was BORED!

*Irish jig ringtone* "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! THE APOCOLYPSE IS UPON US! Oh. It's Amamaya." (a/n Amaya: its Amaya. . Shiro: hehe...=^-^=) Shiro answered her cellphone with a quick tap. "Ah, moshi-moshi!" She exclaimed into the phone. (a/n Shiro: sorry I will slip into random languages or accents throughout conversations)

"...Uh... Shiro?" the familiar voice of Amaya could be made out through the confusion and loudness that was Shiro's mind.

"Oh. Hi Amaya! what's up?"

"You're going to LOOOVE what I got in the mail today!" Amaya exclaimed.

"OOH OOH OOH WHAT?! WHATISITWHATISITWHATISITWHAT ISIT?!"

"Shiro! Shiro! Calm yo ass down." (a/n Shiro: how come you get to do the better black accent. I always sound whiter! Amaya: Cause I'm awesome like that)

"Okay, what is it?"

"I'll give you a hint. It's small-"

"EDWARD!"

"YES!"

"OMIGOSHOMIGOSHOMIGOSH EDWARD RAAAAAPE! ...Did I say that out loud? What I meant was..." (a/n Shiro: What I really meant was rape) In a demonic voice, Shiro whispered menacingly into the phone, "Come get me, nooooooow."

~~~~~~~~~~Time lapse (mothafucka!)~~~~~~~~~~

Amaya pulled up in her car to Shiro's house, with the Edward plushie in her lap. When Shiro saw him, she nearly broke her face on the window.

"Shiro! You have to open the door first!" Amaya shouted.

"Oh yea hehe," Shiro sweatdropped. She got inside the car and grinned as Amaya handed her the Edward plushie. "Edwaaaarrrrd," Shiro's said in her demonic voice.

"Isn't he cute?" Amaya asked with a smile.

Shiro rubbed her face against the plushie's face, forcing its head back and forth.

Amaya laughed as she watched Shiro fangirl over the Edward plushie.

~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile in the FMA universe~~~~~~~~~~

"So, how's your search going, Fullmetal?" Roy Mustang asked with a condescending smirk.

Edward glared at the Colonel with disdain. "How do _you_ think, Colonel Bastard?"

"Calm down, brother," Alphonse said in a placating tone.

Roy dismissed Edward's comment with a shake of his head. "Well, we have another lead on the stone west of here. We can have you on the train by this evening. What do you say to that, shrimp?"

Anger boiled within Edward. He jumped out of his chair and shouted, "I SAY YOU CAN TAKE THAT LEAD AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR-" suddenly, Edward's head jerked from side to side violently. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Hawkeye suddenly burst into the room, pistol in hand. "What's wrong? What's going on?!" She spotted Edward with his head shaking side to side as if his head was about to be ripped off. "Oh, it's just Edward," she said dismissively as she lowered her gun.

"What's wrong brother?" Alphonse asked in concern.

"I. DON'T. KNOW!" Edward shouted in reply as his head continued to convulse. Suddenly, the shaking stopped. Edward felt a little sick, and his neck hurt like hell!

Roy stared at Edward, clearly disturbed at the display he had just witnessed.

"...As I was saying," Edward said as he rubbed his sore neck. "Yea, sure whatever. Give us the information on the city and we'll go."

The Colonel was silent for a few more seconds, but at last he said, "Ooookaaaay." He handed a manilla envelope to the short blonde alchemist.

Edward glared at Mustang, as if he had just read his mind. Finally, he turned and walked out the Colonel's office, his brother, Al, in tow.

_What the hell was that all about?_ Colonel Mustang thought.

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Amaya: Us again! We basically came up with this idea when I got an Edward Elric plushie from Amazon a month ago. We have talked about doing this fic the whole time I've had him, but just now got around to it.

Shiro: Okay! You know what to do! Read and review! we take anolomous-

Amaya: Uh, Shiro, it's "anonymous".

Shiro: ... I knew that...

Amaya: Sure you did. 3

Shiro: Anywaaayzzzz... we accept ANONYMOUS reviews. =^w^=


	2. Toying With Fullmetal!

AUTHOR'S NOTE BITCHES: Shiro: Hellz yes! Chapter two! okay. So, thank you to Fullmidget Alchemist for being our first awesome reviewer! Huzzah! And to Hopeless Alchemist for reviewing as well! love your reviews! And glad to know there are people reading this who have the same sick and twisted sense of humor that we do! XD

Amaya: Mind you, it is currently winter break for Shiro, and I start online college courses on the 7th. So we may not be able to crank these chapters out as fast as we do now. But that's not gonna stop us! We shall not rest until this epic tale of what the fuckery is over! We hope you enjoy Chapter 2, see you at the bottom of this page!

Both: Oh yeah, we don't own FMA. ….damnit.

~~~~~~~~~~Shiro and Amaya's POV~~~~~~~~~~

When the two fangirls finally arrived back at Amaya's house, Shiro began squealing happily as she squished the Edward plushie in her arms.

"Be careful, Shiro," Amaya said jokingly. "He can't breathe!"

They both shared a laugh.

"Aww, he's fine," replied Shiro. "He's an alchemist, he doesn't need to breathe!"

Again, the fangirls laughed.

As the day progressed, Amaya and Shiro grew bored.

Suddenly, Amaya shouted, "Shiro, catch!"

Shiro's head whipped in Amaya's direction to see a yellow and red projectile coming towards her. "AHHHWHATTHEFUCK!" In a sad attempt (a/n Amaya: More like pathetic. Shiro: Shut up .) to catch the Edward that soared through the air. Obviously, Edward hit the floor.

Amaya began to laugh manically at Shiro's frustration.

"Shut up!" Shiro shouted as her face grew red with embarrassment. In a fit of hilarious rage, Shiro hurled the plushie back in Amaya's face.

But Amaya caught it with a single hand and grinned widely. "Missed me!"

Shiro grew even more angry and annoyed.

"Try again!" Amaya exclaimed as she tossed the plushie back at Shiro.

Again, Shiro clawed at the air, but only managed to slap the Edward plushie face first into the ground.

For about another hour or so, Amaya would toss the plushie to Shiro, and unfortunately she dropped it almost every single time. (a/n Amaya: Apparently, Shiro has no fucking coordination whatsoever! Shiro: Don't tell them that! I've got great coordination... okay, I dropped him once or twice. Amaya: Try a hundred. Shiro: …shut up .)

~~~~~~~~~~In the FMA universe~~~~~~~~~~

Edward and Alphonse watched the scenery rush by from inside the train. Neither of them had spoke for the past half hour, but Al at last broke the silence.

"Um, brother? What happened back there in Colonel Mustang's office?" he asked.

Ed sighed, closed his eyes tiredly, and rubbed his neck at the memory of his strange episode. "I don't know Al, don't worry about it. It's not like it'll happen again." (a/n Shiro: Little did he know... Amaya: Haha, "little". Both: *laugh hysterically*)

The two brothers sat in silence for another few minutes.

And suddenly Edward felt a slight falling sensation. Then a sharp pain bloomed in his ass. (a/n Amaya: "Bloomed"? Seriously? Shiro: Yep, "bloomed".) Edward suddenly stood up and screamed in pain while grabbing his rump.

Every head on the train car turned in his direction to stare in confusion.

"What are you all looking at?!" Edward shouted angrily. His face turned red in both rage and embarrassment, and he sat down.

Alphonse tried to ask, "Brother, what's wr-"

"Shut up, Al!" Edward snapped as he felt the falling sensation again. His eyes widened as he thought, _oh crap_. All of a sudden, Edward face vaulted into the floor of the train car. Very irritated, he peeled his face off of the floor only to find that it was flattened. As he stood up to sit back down, a small rivulet of blood trickled from his flattened nose.

By now, Alphonse was torn between feeling concern for his brother, or laughing at him. He tried to contain his amusement as he attempted to ask the question, "Brother, are you-" but then he exploded into uncontrollable laughter.

Edward became very very aggravated. He sat down in a huff and glared out the window, determined not to make eye contact with anyone. Especially Alphonse. It was not long before he felt the sensation once more. His eye twitched maddeningly before his right arm gave protest and a small _clank_ was heard. A bolt had rolled from his sleeve and clattered to the floor. The entire right side of his body now had a dull pain coursing through it.

Things such as this continued throughout the entire train ride.

By the time they at last arrived at their destination, Edward was fuming and bruised all over, with his automail in near shambles. He immediately decided to get a ticket back to his hometown, Risembool. It was time to visit Winry yet again.

A dreaded visit at that.

~~~~~~~~~~At the Rockbell Residence~~~~~~~~~~

The Elric brothers walked a little slower as Winry's house came into view. They had seen her angry before, but today was probably going to be a thousand times worse. After all, he only got his automail fixed four days ago.

"I think Winry will be a little angry with you, brother," Alphonse said nervously.

"Gee, Al. What makes you say that?" Edward replied sarcastically. Out of nowhere, a wrench came flying at Edward's face. "GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the tiny alchemist screamed in pain as the wrench smashed into his forehead. A small spurt of blood squirted out of the wound. "Damnit Winry, I already have enough bruises!"

"Why the hell are you back already?!" Winry shouted indignantly. "It hasn't even been a week! What other stupid thing have you done to wreck my precious automail?!"

_There's no way I'm telling her the truth_, Edward thought. _She would never believe me anyway. _Edward made his way inside the house, grumbling all the way, knowing the severe scolding he was about to receive.

"You didn't answer my question!" Winry snarled in annoyance. "What. Did. You. DO! Edward Elric?" (a/n Amaya: Oooh shit, he's in trouble now! Shiro: Heh, the last name has been used. You're in for it now, shorty!)

Edward leaned back on the couch to rest his aching body. "I don't wanna talk about it," he sighed tiredly. "You wouldn't believe me anyway."

"What do you mean you don't wanna talk about it?" Winry snapped. "I believed you when you told me about homonculi, what makes you think I won't believe you now?"

Edward sat there silently with an irritated pout on his face. (a/n Amaya: Just like Shiro after a game of catch. :D Shiro: Shut up! DX)

"Well, you see, Winry," Alphonse intervened before things got out of hand, "this kind of seems impossible. Even to us. But brother seems to be getting tossed around by things that... aren't there."

Edward humphed and crossed his arm. (a/n Amaya: Arm? Not arms? Shiro: Weeeeeell, the other one is kinda brokeded at the moment. And yes, I meant brokeded, haha!)

Winry's mouth opened and closed, but she could not find the words to say.

Edward averted his eyes from everyone. _What the hell is happening to me? _

~~~~~~~~~~Back with Amaya and Shiro~~~~~~~~~~

After a long night of watching anime, Shiro and Amaya finally decided it was time to get some rest. They had gotten so distracted that they were still wearing the same clothes they had on since that morning. (a/n Shiro: Is this an ADHD crack at me again? =_=)

Amaya set the Edward plushie on the bed, for it had been sitting in her lap the whole night. "Guess we should change into our pajamas," she said with a yawn.

"Yup," Shiro agreed sleepily.

"Do you wanna go in the other room for some privacy?" Amaya asked as she already began to undress.

"Nah, we're both straight girls so it's not like we're gonna stare at each other," Shiro said dismissively. "Besides, once you've seen one, you've seem 'em all."

"Haha, true," Amaya concurred.

"Maybe we should turn Edward around," Shiro added jokingly. "We don't need boys staring!"

They both shared a laugh, but despite the suggestion, neither of them bothered to turn the plushie around.

As the two girls continued to strip, the Edward plushie sat there and "watched" them.

~~~~~~~~~~Back at Winry's~~~~~~~~~~

"How is your automail this banged up?" Winry griped as she examined Edward's battered arm and leg. "What did those so called 'invisible forces' do to you, put you in a blender?! I bet you're just making that crap up to get out of trouble! I've told you a thousand times before that you need to be more careful! And another thing..."

Winry continued to berate him, as Edward sat there with his head laid back against the couch. _Maybe I should find a new mechanic_, he thought begrudgingly. _Sometimes the lower price isn't worth all the grief. _

Without warning, a very strange feeling overcame Edward's whole body. His face turned a shade of red that would put cherries to shame, and blood started to flow...

Edward crossed his legs and immediately averted his eyes away from Winry.

Winry suddenly looked skeptical. "Ed, what's wrong? Is it those "invisible forces" again?"

Edward refused to meet her eyes. "It's nothing!" He gritted his teeth. "Mind your own business!"

"You can't talk to me like that, Edward Elric!" Winry shrieked.

Edward froze. And the only thing that crossed his mind was: _Oh. Shit. _

"Look at me!" Winry demanded.

"I said mind your own business!" Edward squinted his eyes as he turned even redder.

"GET. UP!" Winry gripped his shoulders firmly and jerked him to his feet. She attempted to give his battered automail leg the once over, when she spied..."Oh." The young mechanic's eyes widened, and blood rushed to her face.

For the rest of the day, neither Edward nor Winry could look each other in the eye without their faces turning a glaring shade of red.

Granny watched the two youths with concern. _I wonder what's gotten into them_, she wondered. But then she merely shrugged and turned away.

~~~~~~~~~~Shiro and Amaya POV~~~~~~~~~~

Amaya and Shiro sat upon the bed, chatting excitedly with the Edward doll in Amaya's hands. "Can you imagine if the actual Edward had been watching us?" Amaya snickered suggestively.

Shiro snorted. "Yea, like _that_ would ever happen!"

Little did they know... ;)

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: AAAAHHHHHHHH! WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BOTTOM OF THIS STUPID ASS PAAAAAGGGEEEE!?

Amaya: Shiro! Shiro! We're here, calm down!

Shiro:AAAHHHHHH-oh. We are. O-O... oops. Hehe... hello my friends of internet land! So good to see you again since Tuesday! ^_^;

Amaya: We are aware that this chapter is a HELL of a lot longer than our last one, but we just had so many ideas that we just couldn't keep them contained within our fucking weird brains!

Shiro: I would have forgotten mine! I haz ADHD with no medication whatsoever! O-O Don't judge me!

Amaya: We congratulate you for actually reading this whole damn thing, and we hope to see you again in the next chapter. Until next time, my lovelies!

Shiro: Yeah! See ya next time my fellow weirdos! I'm gonna go haz some straight sugar now! =^w^=

Amaya: Shiro no! I don't want any property damage this time!

Shiro: I'm not that bad...=v.v= I only broke the front half of the house last time, so it's all good!

Amaya: *sigh* -_-


	3. Sweet Dreams Edward! The Mystery Begins!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: Hello people of the interwebs! Okay. So we were going to have this out sooner... but I sort of... fell asleep... =v.v= sorry guys... But today, Amaya gave me coffee. So I actually helped out sorta. =^-^= and by sorta I mean, I fucking suck at typing. Don't know how I passed typing classes. Miracle! Anyways... On to the sane one of the two of us!

Amaya: Well, as sane as the two of us can be anyway. It was more than just Shiro sleeping for 2 FUCKING HOURS through our last visit that hindered this latest chapter.

Shiro: I'm sorry! =TAT=

Amaya: Aaaaaanyway =P We couldn't really think of what to do last time, but now we're back on track. The good news is that we may have the fourth chapter up by tomorrow! I don't have to do any online college work tomorrow, and Shiro is out of school for Saturday! FUCKING YAAAAAAY!

Shiro: Did I say sane? What I meant was... uh... less crazy...? Sort of...?

Amaya: Close enough! And now enjoy the latest chapter of this giant mindfuck!

Shiro: Oh. Before we forget, thank you to Hopeless Alchemist for sending us a second review! And to FroeverTacos21 for your awesome idea! We used it sorta... We kinda tweaked it in our odd little brains! So thanks to all our viewers! Please leave a review! Please?! Pweeeeeeeze? =Q-Q=

Disclaimer: Both: We do not own FMA, if we did it would be a hentai. :3 (no Elricest though, bleh)

~~~~~~~~~~In Edward's bedroom (where every fangirl wants to be)~~~~~~~~~~

After an immensely exhausting and humiliating day, Edward tried to get some sleep. His increasing anxiety about his "condition" kept him awake for quite some time. But after a few hours, he at last drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep. His mind was a blank void of serenity, and all was quiet. Until...

BOOBS?!

~~~~~~~~~~Shiro and Amaya at bedtime!~~~~~~~~~~

"Nyaaaaah'm beat," Shiro yawned as she stretched lazily.

"What? Already?" Amaya groaned. She never tired out easily. (a/n Amaya: Up all night mothafucka! Shiro: Mnyeeeeh =m=;)

"Dude, it's 2 in the fucking morning! And you woke me up at six!" Shiro exclaimed with a groan. With her last drop of the day's energy drained from her, Shiro face planted into her pillow.

"I don't even wake up that early!" Amaya retorted.

"Well it sure as fuck feels like it!" Shiro mumbled from within the pillow. (a/n Shiro: Haha, pillow talk! XD)

Amaya sighed and gave in. "Fine, let's go to sleep."

Finally, the two fangirls prepared for slumber. Shiro crawled into her pile of blankets and pillows she had arranged on the floor, and Amaya settled into her bed.

Shiro went to sleep almost instantaneously. But Amaya remained awake. After a couple of hours of fitful tossing and turning, she at last was able to close her heavy eyes. With the Edward plushie clutched face-first against her chest.

~~~~~~~~~~Back with Edward~~~~~~~~~~

When Edward awoke the next morning, he found that his cheeks were squished inwardly, and he was laboring for breath. "Whut thoo hull?" Edward wondered aloud in a constricted voice. He remained in bed for a few more minutes, trying to comprehend what was happening to him. At last, the strange pressure was released. He was suddenly gasping for air.

He sat up to get out of bed, but before he could set his first foot down, he was suddenly thrown to the floor. Edward's eye twitched and his blood boiled as his irritation morphed into pure fury.

There was a knock on his door. "Edward, what happened?" he heard Winry ask. "I heard a crash!"

"Nothing!" Edward shouted back. "I just tripped, I'll be downstairs in a minute!"

"Fine, whatever," Winry replied angrily. "No need to be so rude!" He heard her stomp away.

Edward dragged himself off the floor, and half-walked, half-stumbled down the stairs. Everyone else was already in the kitchen, having breakfast.

_What was up with that dream last night?_ Edward wondered as he took his seat. _It was just...a girl's chest in my face for hours on end. And what about my face this morning. It was as if my face was actually in her..._

"What dream, brother?" Alphonse asked curiously.

Edward's face suddenly flushed red as he realized, _Oh crap, did I say that out loud?_ "Nothing Al," Edward sighed. Then, almost inaudibly, he added, "Just...a girl's chest in my face for 8 hours."

Winry suddenly slammed her hands down on the table and jumped up from her seat. "WHAT DID YOU SAY, EDWARD ELRIC?!" she demanded fiercely.

"AHHH!" The outburst caused Edward to fall back in his chair. "What the hell's your problem?!" he yelled back.

"I heard what you said! Y-you said that you dream of...of a girl's...," her face reddened with outrage. "EDWARD, YOU'RE SUCH A PERVERT!" She raised her hand high and gave Edward a hard smack across the face.

Edward sat there in stunned silence as Winry stomped away in a huff.

Granny, who had been quiet throughout the whole ordeal, took a long drag from her pipe. As she exhaled, she shook her head and said, "Kids these days."

~~~~~~~~~~Back to the fangirls!~~~~~~~~~~

Shiro and Amaya got into the car, ready to tackle the day with the Edward plushie in tow. "I was thinking about cutting off that string on his head," Amaya explained. "But he makes a cute car accessory this way!" (a/n Amaya: The actual Edward plushie I have comes with a little yellow string on his head so that you can hang him on the sun visor in your car.)

"Huh, he really does," Shiro agreed as she hung the Edward plush in place.

Amaya grasped the dangling plushie with the tips of her fingers, and gave it a good twist as she let go.

The plushie began to spin rapidly, stopping only briefly before the string uncoiled and spun it once again.

"I made him dizzy!" Amaya exclaimed playfully.

"Let me try!" Shiro abruptly grabbed the plush in mid-spin. She twisted her wrist as far as she could, and spun the plushie so hard that its face was merely a black, white and yellow blur.

The fangirls laughed hysterically as the plushie twirled and twirled. "We are waaaay too easily amused," Amaya proclaimed, still giggling despite herself.

"Yea, I bet the real Edward would be looking at us right now like: da fuuuuuuck?" Shiro added humorously.

The fangirls began cracking up once more as the plushie finally slowed to a natural stop, swinging uneasily back and forth as if it truly were dizzy.

~~~~~~~~~~Now back to the FMA universe! (again)~~~~~~~~~~

The Elric brothers looked back on their hometown one last time as they entered the train station. Edward had an irritated slump in his shoulders due to the awkward visit. He had enough of this whole mess! He turned to his brother and said, "Al, the philosopher's stone will have to wait!"

"I'm guessing that means we're gonna try to figure out what's wrong with you?" Alphonse asked. "But where are we supposed to start, brother?"

A malicious grin spread across Ed's face. "Oh, I know exactly where to start!" he exclaimed with a maniacal laugh.

Al sweatdropped. _Brother's gone completely insane_, he thought. (a/n Shiro: Yes, Al! He's gone TOTALLY insane! Amaya: You're one to talk. =P Shiro: I had coffee, leave me 'lone =OwO=)

"I bet I know who's been doing this to me," Edward muttered to himself. "It was that damn bastard Roy! It's just like him to make me miserable! When I get my hands on him I-" all of sudden, Edward didn't feel very well. His face started to turn green. He stumbled forward awkwardly, spinning slowly with each wobbling step. And then...

"BLAAAARGH!" Edward's breakfast was now splattered all over the floor of the train station.

"Brother!" At a loss of what to do, Alphonse began to panic. It had been a bit amusing at the start, but now he knew for sure that his brother was in serious danger. _Whatever is wrong with Ed, it's getting worse! _He thought.

With a shaking hand, Edward grasped the edge of the ticket desk and pulled himself up. With his chin resting sluggishly on the counter-top, he laboriously groaned, "Two tickets to Central, please."

He then collapsed back into a heap on the floor.

~~~~~~~~~~After a long ass train ride to Central~~~~~~~~~~

Roy stared at the paperwork on his desk with a bored expression. Truthfully, he wasn't even reading it, he just wanted to appear busy so his subordinates would stop bugging him about his procrastination. Just before his mind went completely blank with boredom, he heard a "little" something in the distance.

"MUSTAAAAAAAAAAAANG!"

Seconds later, Hawkeye stepped into his office. "Sir, it appears Edward has come back sooner than anticipated," she announced calmly.

"So I've heard," Roy answered without looking up from his paperwork. He turned another page.

What sounded like a large stampede of cattle could be heard from down the hall. His office doors burst open to reveal the very angry pipsqueak alchemist.

"Back so soon, Fullmetal?" The Colonel asked as he finally glanced up from his work.

Edward panted heavily from the run as he glared at Roy in disdain. "What did you do to me?!" he growled half-demonically.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Fullmetal," Mustang said with an amused smirk.

"Don't you play dumb with me, you bastard!" Edward yelled furiously. "You're the reason why all of this weird crap has been happening to me!"

At last, the Colonel sat up straight in his chair and looked Ed in the eye. With a sigh, Roy said, "Actually, pipsqueak, I've been looking into your strange little episode a few days ago."

All of the small connotations where making Edward's blood boil. A vein visibly throbbed on his head.

"Oh, that reminds me, sir," Hawkeye intervened. She reached into a large pocket in her jacket and pulled out a small, leather-bound notebook. "I found this on the Fuhrer's desk, it seemed a bit suspicious."

Hawkeye set the notebook down on the Colonel's desk. It was titled _'Edward Elric', _with the words: PROPERTY OF THE FUHRER stamped into the corner.

The tiny alchemist's eyes widened with shock. "What the hell?" Edward said under his breath.

Everyone stared at the strange notebook, not daring to touch it. As if it were poison.

A heavy, metallic clanking could be heard down the hall. Alphonse entered Roy's office, he had finally caught up with his infuriated brother. "Brother, there you-" Al stopped as he realized no one had looked up to see him come in. "What's going on?" Alphonse lumbered over to the desk to see what everyone was so fixated on. Alphonse gasped when he spotted the notebook. "What is that?"

"We're about to found out, Al," Roy declared. He reached over slowly and grasped the cover between his fingers, hoping no one had seen him swallow nervously. At last, he opened the notebook to reveal a plethora of complex equations and diagrams.

Everyone's eyes widened further in confusion. What stood out most was a strange diagram of a tunnel of some sort.

Edward felt as if

he were about to faint. The first thought that flickered into his mind was: _I'm...screwed. _

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: Coffee wears out of my system fast apparently. But I am no less homicidally crazy. And I cant fucking use a fucking keyboooaaaarrrrrdddddd! FUCK! Okay, now that I'm over my little fucking spouting of anger of this fucking evil technology. So... I am very happy to say that I dressed as an Akatsuki member today and got random hugs. Not so good news: my ex is stalking me... =O-O= Fuck!

Amaya: Wow, so much use of the word "fuck".

Shiro: Fuck fuck fuckity fuck, fuckaroo, fuck-a-doodle-doo, fuck a duck in the ass! Fuuuck...shit.

Amaya: ...anyway, we hope you enjoyed this latest edition of *epic voice* Unintentional Wrath of the Fangirls! Speaking of fangirls, I have an interesting little story about my Edward plushie from today. I went to go pick up Shiro, who is the president of anime club, at school. I brought Edward along with me, and when I took him out of my purse, all hell broke loose. And it was fucking hilarious~! Although I was a little afraid that I wasn't going to get Edward back...but I did! :D Oh, and one last thing. We're sorry about giving Al such a lousy part in this fic so far, we don't really know what to do with him yet!

Shiro: Don't worry Alphonse, you'll play a bigger part in the next chapter! ...maybe =w= And for my final word: ...fuck.

Amaya: …Indeed. See you all next time!


	4. Irritation, Depression, and Hilarity!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: WOOOOOT! Our first Alert! Now we start our cult! In case you haven't noticed, I have had a nummy energy drink! I love our reviewers, but I don't wanna type their names out. I'm keyboard challenged. Plus, we had an anomalous-

Amaya: Anonymous!

Shiro: Whatever! Anyways... We got an ANONYMOUS review! And I don't know what to say now...

Amaya: We would like to thank all of our viewers from around the world. We probably wouldn't have kept writing this without you! Well...okay, yes we would have. But it wouldn't have been as awesome as it is!

Shiro: THAT'S RIGHT MOTHAFUCKA!

Amaya: Exactly! Well, we don't have much else to say, on with the fuckery!

Disclaimer: We do not own FMA. If we did, there would be much more fanservice. (and considering how much he has his shirt off, that's saying something!)

~~~~~~~~~~~In Amaya's room~~~~~~~~~~

The two fangirls sat slumped against the wall of Amaya's bedroom, neither of them speaking. It had been quite a dull day, and there was not much to do. Shiro grabbed the Edward plushie, which had been sitting on her belly, and began throwing it against the wall out of boredom.

Amaya gave her a strange look. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Shiro shrugged. "I dunno. You know what they say though, when in doubt throw a plushie against the wall. Cause that seems like the sensible thing to do!"

"I'm pretty sure no one has ever said that," Amaya said. "And you're gonna mess up his cowlick!"

"I'll fix it later," Shiro whined.

"Oh fine," Amaya gave in. "...Let me try!"

"That's the spirit!" Shiro said as she tossed the plushie to Amaya.

For the next several minutes, the fangirls threw the defenseless plushie at the wall. Watching and laughing as it bounced back into their laps.

"Ooooh that one sounded like it hurt!" Shiro exclaimed.

Amaya laughed. "We're so mean to poor Edward." (a/n Shiro: Oh-ho, we had noooo idea. =^-^=)

~~~~~~~~~~Back in the Colonel's office~~~~~~~~~~

The Elric brothers stared intently at the Fuhrer's notebook, trying to decipher the numerous equations."Hmmm..." Edward squinted in concentration. He felt as though he was on the verge of a breakthrough. And then...lightbulb! "Aha! I've got it! It's-" Edward seized, and then his body was flung across the room. He crashed into the bookcase, and an avalanche of books rained upon his little head. "Oh look, stars," Edward said drunkenly. He fell back into the pile of books.

Everyone in the room sweatdropped.

"Well, the runt's not gonna be much help now," Roy muttered dismissively, turning back to the notebook.

"Looks like it's up to me now," Alphonse said, determination ripe in his voice. He turned the page to find a small (a/n Amaya: You mean smallER. XD) version of Edward. The picture appeared to be some kind of doll. Alphonse froze in shock.

Roy glanced over to see the problem as he took a sip of water. Upon seeing the strange picture, Roy choked on his water as it spewed from his mouth. He collapsed to the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter. "And I thought he couldn't get any tinier!"

Subordinates passing by Roy's office glanced at the door in confusion, before continuing on their way.

Hawkeye, who had stood guard outside the door, walked up to the fallen Mustang. "Sir, what is so-" She glanced down at the picture and sighed. "Sir, it's not that funny," Hawkeye said stoically. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to return to my post." She strode back out into the hall, closing the door behind her.

An explosion of female laughter could be heard in the hall a moment later.

Alphonse had been quietly studying the notebook throughout the whole ordeal. His concentration was too deep to be distracted by the Colonel's antics. After hours of contemplation (a/n: Shiro: And several more times of Edward being thrown about.) Alphonse finally cracked the code. "That's it!" He exclaimed. "Brother, I think I know what's wrong with you!"

"That's great, Al," Edward said dazedly. "Let's get to work!" A moment later, the tiny alchemist crumpled to the floor.

~~~~~~~~~~Back with us :D~~~~~~~~~

After the fangirls had grown bored of tossing the Edward plush around, Shiro stared off into space. Amaya, who had grown somewhat used to this phenomenon, attempted to get her attention with a poke on the shoulder. Shiro let out out a very odd high-pitched squawk that sounded like some exotic bird getting sodomized.

"What the fuck was that?!" Amaya cried.

Shiro did not respond, her focus was transfixed on the Edward plushie. Her finger slowly made it's way to the plushie's face, poking where its nose should be. "You gots no nose," Shiro stated the obvious.

"You just now noticed?" Amaya asked.

"No, I noticed! I just felt like pointing it out," Shiro said in a spacey tone.

Amaya gave her a strange look. "Are you high?"

"Nah, I don't need that, I get high off life!" Shiro said with a proud grin.

"Suuuuuure you do," Amaya said suspiciously.

"Well, it's either that or my mother dropped me on my head several times as a child," Shiro confirmed with a nonchalant shrug. Turning back to the plushie, Shiro continued to absently poke his "nose" for the next several minutes. Without warning, Shiro crushed the poor Edward plushie to her chest and gave a loud fangirl squeal. "Edward's so cuuuuuute!"

Amaya sweatdropped. _Her mother must have dropped her __**a lot**__. _

~~~~~~~~~~Back with everyone's favorite alchemists~~~~~~~~~~

After moving to a safer location, the Elric brothers got to work on drawing a very large, intricate, and complex transmutation circle. It took them only a few minutes to get the basic outline set, but then came the difficult part. Each and every alchemical symbol had to be precise, or something could go horribly wrong. (a/n Shiro: Like his insides could suddenly be his outsides! =^w^=)

In the midst of the delicate process, Edward sneezed, causing his chalk to go off mark. "Dammit!" Edward growled as he tried to wipe away the mistake with his sleeve. But as his sleeve brushed against the concrete, he sneezed a second time! His arm jolted, erasing a good portion of the basic outline.

"Brother, are you alright?" Alphonse called from across the circle.

""I'm fine, Al!" Edward shouted back as he frantically tried to fix the smudged out circle. As he tried to continue his work, Edward sneezed several more times, only hindering the process. This caused the poor, distressed alchemist to stand up and give a shout in frustration. Comical tears flowed down his face. "I can't do it!"

Alphonse stood up to go and comfort his brother...until he saw the damage he had caused. "Ahh! Brother, what did you do?!"

"I can't help it, I keep sneezing!"

"Maybe you should just rest, brother," Alphonse consoled Edward as he patted him on the back. "I can finish the rest of the circle."

With his pride wounded, Edward shuffled off into a corner. He dejectedly muttered to himself "I'm useless." Suddenly, it felt as is the arms of a giant had wrapped around him tightly. Moments later, he passed out from lack of oxygen.

~~~~~~~~~~Time skip LIKE A BOSS~~~~~~~~~~

"Brother, I've finally completed the circle!" Alphonse announced at last.

Edward turned his head slowly to his brother. A mix of depression and irritation were present on his face. "That's great, Al," he said flatly. With a sigh, he said, "Let's get this over with." Edward stood and dragged himself to the edge of the circle, next to his brother. Both of them seemed perfectly in sync as they leaned down and placed their hands flat on the ground.

The transmutation circle began to glow. There was a bright flash of brilliant light. And then the Elric brothers blinked out of existence.

~~~~~~~~~~Back with the crazy bitches~~~~~~~~~~

The fangirls had once again lapsed into boredom. "Ugh, what else can we do?" Amaya groaned.

"I dunno, nothing exciting ever happens around here!" Shiro mumbled almost incoherently.

CRAAAASH. A loud metallic bang rang out from across the house.

"AHHHHHH ZOMBIES!" Shiro screamed. "TAKE HER! I NEED MY BRAIN! ...Or what's left of it."

"It's not zombies you crazy beeotch. It's probably just a burglar," Amaya said casually. After a few seconds, the realization clicked. "...Wait, BURGLARS, FUCK!"

Shiro hopped up. "I'LL GET THE DAGGER!" She spazzed as she grabbed one of the many decorative blades from Amaya's desk.

Slowly, the two fangirls cautiously crept out the door of Amaya'a bedroom. Shiro held the Edward plushie loosely to her chest for comfort. They tip-toed through the kitchen and peeked into the living room.

Their eyes widened in sheer amazement.

They flattened themselves against the kitchen cabinets, heaving deep breaths of astonishment. "Shiro," Amaya nearly squeaked as she whispered. "Am I insane, or are Edward and Alphonse Elric standing in my living room?"

Shiro, not even bothering to keep her voice down, replied, "Hun, you've always been insane. But it did look a lot like the Elric brothers," she nodded as she spoke. "...Waaait a minute."

"WHO'S IN THERE?!" an angry, familiar voice called out.

"Brother, don't scare them!" an equally familiar, but more childish voice rebuked.

Both girls nearly jumped out of their skin, and Shiro swiftly unsheathed her dagger. They slowly made their way into the living room, shaking with each step that took them closer to the Elric look alikes.

Shiro pointed her dagger meekly at the tiny alleged burglar.

Amaya took a small step forward, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. "I-is your name...Edward?" she asked shyly.

"How the hell did you know my name?!" Edward's irritation seeped into his voice.

A pregnant silence loomed throughout the house, then...

Shiro began to hyperventilate, her whole body now shaking with excitement instead of fear. "EDWARD RAAAAAAAAAAAPE!" She squeezed the plushie so tightly that the stitched in eyes bulged.

Immediately, the real Edward began asphyxiating. Amaya, taking little notice of his dilemma, glomped the poor pipsqueak alchemist. The combined pressure of the plush and the fangirl's hug caused him to pass out in her arms.

Alphonse sweatdropped. _These girls are crazy. _

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: Yes, Al, we're insane. Aaaaaanyways, karma decided to bitchslap me while we were typing this lovely chappie.

Amaya: In the process of writing this, Shiro really was throwing the Ed plush against the wall. At one point, he actually bounced back and hit her in the face. Lol. XD

Shiro: =m=

Amaya: We're not sure when the next chapter is going to be out, but stay in touch! This weird ass adventure had not yet met its end! See you next time!


	5. Goodbye Or is It?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: I fucking love you people! Anyways this is the last chapter. Of this story. But stay in touch to find a magical unicorn that poops leprechaun gold! I mean... Our next story. That has nothing to do with leprechauns or unicorns, or shitting gold. Yup.

Amaya: Yeaaaaa, anyway, we hope you enjoy this next and last installment of UWotF! By the way, to the person who commented about my knife collection, yes I do collect knives and daggers. But seriously, _that_ was the weirdest thing you found in this story?! Da fuck, man? Nothing about bird sodomy?! Really?! ...Seriously though, we still love all of our reviewers and readers, hugs!

Shiro: Yeah. In fact, I think the knife thing was the only semi normal thing in this story of the fuck. I like flower candy.

Amaya: Indubitably. See you at the bottom!

Disclaimer: We do not own FMA. ...[insert witty saying here].

~~~~~~~~~~In Amaya's bed (ohhh yeaaaa)~~~~~~~~~~

Edward could feel himself slowly slipping back into consciousness. He heard distant, incoherent giggling. But it seemed to draw closer the more he awakened.

"He looks so adowable laying there!" he heard a female voice say.

"Shhhhhh! Look, I think he's waking up!" another shushed.

With a slight groan caused by the soreness in his ribs, Edward's eyes began to flicker open. All of the world was a blur for a few lingering heartbeats. But then, the image of two very, very delighted post-teen girls looming over him became crystal clear.

The weary alchemist was suddenly wide awake! "WHATTHEHELL," Edward shouted in alarm. He frantically tried to back away from them, but only managed to ram his head into the wall behind him.

"Oh, I think we scared him!" Amaya exclaimed. "...How cute!"

"OHMYGODITSEDWARDICAN'TBELIEVEIT'SREALLYHIMOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHAD FLJASD;LKJLJALIJFDL;K," Shiro spazzed.

Edward stared terrified as his fingers scraped against the wall behind him, as if he were trying to claw his way out. The short girl (a/n Shiro: I'M NOT SHORT! RAWR!) continued to shout random excited gibberish.

Alphonse, who stood at the corner of the room, sweatdropped as he viewed the unusual scene. "Uhhh," he tried to speak, but his words were instantly drowned out by a siren of squees. The two girls were suddenly silent for a split second. Their heads whipped back as their monstrously gleaming eyes suddenly honed in on him.  
"ALPHONSE!" both of the girls screamed. They sprang up from the bed and rushed towards the living suit of armor.

Amaya glomped Alphonse with a vengeance, while Shiro worked on taking off his chest plate. (a/n Shiro: It sounds like I'm going to rape him! Amaya: Well knowing you, that's a valid concern. Shiro: I'm not a pedophile!) In the likeness of a ferret, Shiro crawled into his armor, squirmed around a bit, and popped her head out where Alphonse's face plate was.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET OUT OF THERE!" Alphonse cried out in discomfort. "THIS IS SO CREEPY! BROTHER HELP!"

"Hang on Al!" Edward yelled. The tiny alchemist jumped out of the bed and grabbed Shiro's ankles, which dangled in Al's chest region. "Get out of my brother!"

Laughter echoed within the armor. "That sounds so wrong!" Shiro exclaimed gleefully.

Edward somehow managed to yank Shiro out of Al's armor, this caused Shiro to bowl Edward over, and land on top of him. At first, Shiro seemed to have spaced out as she stared into Ed's eyes. But then...

SUPER SONIC FANGIRL SQUEE OF DOOOOOOM.

"OHMYGOSHIT'SEDWARDIT'SSOTINY!"

Edward felt as thought he had nearly gone deaf from the volume of Shiro's squee. But one particular word rang crystal clear to him. "WHOAREYOUCALLINGSOSMALLTHEY'DBEMISTAKENFORAPLUSHTOY?!"

Both fangirls shared a glanced and they slowly backed away, Amaya attempted to hide the plush behind her back. But the sight of the yellow fabric did not escape his eye. "What is that?" he murmured suspiciously.

"Noooothing," Amaya said casually as she began to sweat a bit.

Edward glared at them, the tension growing thick in the air.

Amaya at last gave in and slowly took out the plush for Edward to see.

An awkward silence filled the room

"...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" The house shook with Edward's resounding scream.

"It's umm...an Edward plushie?" Amaya said questioningly, not wanting to further provoke Edward's rage.

"Brother, that thing was in the book," Alphonse whispered to his enraged brother.

Shiro reacted as though she were a prairie dog. "Book? What book? Book?"

"Come to think of it," Amaya said curiously. "How did you get here?"

Edward sighed. "Ugh, this is gonna take a while to explain. Thanks a lot, Al!"

"Sorry, brother!" Alphonse apologized.

"Well, we would have asked about it eventually," Amaya intervened. "We're not st-" she paused and looked at Shiro. "..._That_ stupid."

"Yep," Shiro nodded. Then she thought about it. "...HEY!"

Edward and Alphonse shared a glance and sweatdropped.

"Aaaaaanyway," Edward said. "Here's the deal..."

~~~~~~~~~~Time skip mothafucka~~~~~~~~~~

"So you see," Alphonse said. "We came here to fix brother."

Amaya nodded, as if understanding the situation. But Shiro stood mouth agape, staring off into space. Again. "Wh-wh-...what?" Shiro said in puzzlement.

Edward groaned and facepalmed.

"Shiro, don't you get it?" Amaya said. "There once was a blue fairy with purple wings and leapord spots, that came across a dragon that breathed ice, that turned into acid, which is very trippy, and drowned in a lake. Do you understand now?"

The Elric brothers stood dumbfounded. Edward's eye twitched in massive confusion.

"...Ohhhhhhhh I get it now!" Shiro exclaimed. "So you need to find the cause of what is turning Edward into a hackey-sack."

"Ummm...right," Alphonse replied.

"How the hell did you get _that_ from _that_?" Edward yelled in befuddlement.

"Brother, try to stay calm."

"No! I will _not_ be calm! These girls are crazy!"

Shiro's face lit up as she came to an epiphany. She grabbed the plush from Amaya and gently twisted Edward's head.

A cringe-worthy popping sound could heard throughout the room.

"Ow!" Edward exclaimed.

Everyone turned to see that Edward's head was twisted to one side.

"I've got it!" Shiro announced, pounding her fist into her palm. Consequently, the Edward plush occupied her palm.

Edward let out a high-pitched cry of pain and doubled over.

"Oops," Shiro said. "Anyways, es scheint, wer hat dir getan in erster Linie verwendet, schwarze Magie!"

"Shiro!" Amaya blurted.

"Wha?"

"You're speaking in German again," Amaya said with irritation leaking from her tone.

Edward's expression was of pure bewilderment.

"Oh right! What I was saying was that, whoever has done this to you in the first place seems to have used black magic!"

"How do you know this?" Amaya asked suspiciously.

"Uhhh...I read," Shiro answered vaguely.

"You don't use black magic, do you?" Amaya inquired.

"...Nooooo," Shiro hid a book behind her back that no one had noticed before. (a/n Amaya: Where the hell did that book come from? Shiro: Book? What book? ...SUGAR! Amaya: Oy, do you see what I have to put up with?)

"So it's been that _thing_ that's been making my life a living hell!" Edward said as he pointed an accusing finger at the plush.

"Well technically," Shiro chimed in, "it was kind of us. But we were doing it unintention-"

Amaya slapped her hand over her friend's mouth. "Shiro shut up! We don't want him mad at us!"

Edward glared harshly at the two fangirls.

They shrank back. "Too late," Amaya said in a small voice.

"I'm sorry," Shiro squeaked, looking as though she were about to cry.

"Give me that!" Edward snapped as he swiped the plushie from Shiro's hand. "Come on, Al! We got what we came here for!" The tiny alchemist began to stomp away.

Alphonse noticed how watery-eyed both of the girls were. A pang of guilt went through his metal body. "Ummm, brother?"

"I said let's go, Al!" Edward grumbled as he strained to keep his eyes forward. A mantra was chanting in his head. _Don't look back. Don't look back. Don't look..._ Edward looked back. …_..crap _

The fangirls burst into comical tears.

Edward groaned. _Homonculi, monsters, power-hungry dictators, _anything_ is better than crying girls!_

"Edward, we're sorry!" Shiro whined. "Don't take our plushie away, we love you!"

"We never meant to hurt you! We only want something that reminds us of you!" Amaya cried. "Please don't take that away from us! We want to bask in your greatness!"

This immediately caught Edward's attention.

The shorter fangirl added spastically, "Yea, cause you're all awesomely awesome and awesome and shit!"

The two fangirls continued to stroke the pipsqueak alchemist's ego, much to his delight. "Yea, I guess I am pretty awesome," Edward said cooly.

Al sweatdropped.

But then a pang of guilt suddenly struck Edward as he came to a realization. _These girls think that I'm so great, and I've been a total jerk to them this whole time! _He clenched his jaw tightly. _No, I have to resist, I can't give in! _"Otherwise I'll die!" he blurted out suddenly.

Everyone went quiet.

"What da fuck is he talking about?" Shiro asked Amaya.

"I don't know," Amaya answered. "...but I'm kinda turned on right now."

Another pregnant pause.

"Ooookay," Shiro said. (a/n Shiro: And everyone thought _I_ was the weird one?! Please, there's a reason why I keep her around me!) 

Edward heaved a big sigh of defeat. "Fine, we'll find another way to fix this!"

Shiro suddenly perked up, "Oh, I know what to do!" She pulled out a large black book.

"Where the hell where you keeping that thing?" Amaya asked quizzically.

"You shall never know." Shiro skimmed through the pages of the book. "Okay, so it says here that voodoo dolls are basically clay or plush figurines in likeness to a certain person. Their DNA and enchanted herbs can be found generally on the inside of the doll."

"But how are we supposed to look inside the doll?" Amaya pointed out.

A soft s_hing _could be heard as Shiro pulled out a scalpel from nowhere. "Let's find out, shall we?" She said with a manic grin.

Edward clutched his stomach at the thought of his guts spilling out. "What the hell! Are you trying to kill me?!"

"Yeaaaaaa, I don't think that's a good idea, Shiro," Amaya agreed.

Shiro thought about it for a second. "Good point," she put the scalpel away and consulted the book once more. Shiro mumbled to herself as she read further. "...on the inside of the doll...and occasionally its clothing. Oh, that explains why that plushie smells like blood!"

"How did you-" Amaya started to ask. "You know what? Nevermind."

Shiro took the pluhie back from Edward and gave it a good sniff. "Smells like nightshade," she commented.

The Elric brothers sweatdropped at the odd spectacle.

"Give me that!" Amaya snapped as she shook her head. She carefully removed the plushie's crimson cloak. Almost immediately, she spotted a slightly discolored patch sewn into the inside of the cloak. "How did we not notice this before?" she wondered out loud.

"Beats me," Shiro said. She grabbed the now cloakless plushie and slammed it into the floor.

Edward gave a shout and flinched. But not a cowlick on his head was harmed. He looked at both of his hands in wonder, as a smile slowly spread across his face. "It worked," he said quietly. But then his mirth began to build. "I'm not in pain...I'M NOT IN PAAAAIN!" He jumped for joy and hugged his brother, nearly knocking the living suit of armor to the ground. In the midst of Edward's celebration, something fell out of his pocket.

This caught Shiro's eye. Secretively, she bent down, picked it up, and hid it from sight.

Amaya turned to Shiro. "Well, looks like our work here is done," she said indifferently.

Shiro nodded retardedly in an attempt to appear cool. "Yup," she replied simply.

Caught off guard, the fangirls were spontaneously hugged by the tiny alchemist. He seemed to have forgotten that they were the cause of his grief in the first place. "Thank you!" he exclaimed gratefully. "You guys are awesome!"

The two fangirls were momentarily frozen with shock.

"Shiro, is this really happening?" Amaya squeaked.

Shiro was beyond the ability to reply, she was already putty in the alchemist's arms.

When Edward at last let go, the fangirls collapsed to the floor in a giggling puddle.

Edward, realizing what he had done, cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Sooooo Al, looks like we can go home now."

"Sure thing, brother," Alphonse replied as he repressed laughter.

They made their way to Amaya's living room, where the portal still lingered. (a/n Shiro: Holy fuck! The portal is still there?! Amaya: Uhhh, yea. Forgot to mention that. Whoopsies.)

Suddenly, the fangirls bolted upright. "WAIT, DON'T GO!" they both shouted.

Edward quickened his pace. "Come on, Al hurry before they catch up!"

"Brother, we at least owe them a 'goodbye'," Alphonse cajoled his brother.

"Fine," Edward agreed with a groan. Truthfully, he was too embarrassed to meet their eyes again after that hug.

"You see, we _have_ to go," Alphonse explained gently. "We don't belong here. And we have important things to do, like get our bodies back."

The two girls sniffled, and Shiro stepped forward. "W-well, if y-you h-h-have to g-g-go, w-w-will you a-at least s-s-sign this E-Edward?" she asked.

She held up a dazzling picture of a bare-chested Edward, his skin and automail glistening from an unknown source of light.

Edward paled in horror. "Where the hell did you get that?!"

"It's best if you didn't know," Amaya said suspiciously.

"I have my sources," Shiro muttered mysteriously.

Edward slowly reached back behind him and shoved Alphonse into into the portal.

"Brot-!" Alphonse voice was lost and he was transported back to the other side.

"Uhh, whoops! Better go get my brother," Edward said nervously. "See ya!" He dived through the portal.

And then the portal blinked out of existence.

The fangirls' hearts sank, especially Shiro's.

Then, for some unknown reason, Shiro's face split into a Cheshire Cat grin.

Amaya grabbed her short counterpart's shoulders and shook her vigorously. "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO HAPPY?! THEY'RE GOOOONE!"

"Not for long, my dear Amaya, not for long," Shiro claimed as she stroked her imaginary goatee.

"What are you talking about?!"

The tiny fangirl slowly and menacingly pulled out a small notebook that read EDWARD ELRIC: PROPERTY OF THE FURHER. "We're going on an adventure."

Amaya's eyes widened. "...FUCKING SWEEET!"

"And finally," Shiro stated. "...

"...I will rape Roy Mustang."

~~~~~~~~~~THE FUCKIN' END :D ...FOR NOW!~~~~~~~~~~

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: OMIGODIT'SOVERTHEWORLDSGONNAEEEEEEND!

Amaya: That's what you all are thinking, isn't it? Well fear not my lovelies! There will be more! Of course, it will not be under the same title as this, but crazy fuckery will still ensue!

Shiro: There was a FUCK TON of yelling in this chapter... I am pleased. =^-^=

Amaya: And lots of cursing too...fuck bunnies!

*asplode noise*

Amaya: Aaaand we broke the fuck-o-meter.

Shiro: I'm not fixing it... And we shall see you all again sometime soon when our 'busy schedules" open up.

Both: BYYYYEEEEEEEE! XD


End file.
